The Send Off
Camp nerves are normal. Confidence comes after the leap.
Before we get to today's play, a quick programming note: your fearless Playbook co-authors are taking a July sabbatical. Consider it the Playbook's All-Star break.
We're stepping away for a few weeks to recharge, spend time with our families, and (hopefully) take some of our own advice. We hope you’ll find some time to unplug this summer too. We’ll be back in August, rested, rejuvenated, and ready to bring you the next season of the Playbook.
The Opponent: Pre-Camp Nerves
Imagine: It’s 11 pm. The camp trunk is packed. The forms are submitted. The label maker has worked overtime.
And someone is lying awake wondering: Will the other kids be nice? What if the food is terrible? Will it be fun? What if something goes wrong?
Though these might sound like classic pre-camp kid thoughts, in many homes, this could just as easily be a parent’s internal monologue. Summer camp season has a funny way of bringing out nerves in everyone involved. Whether it’s a first sleepaway camp, a first overnight trip, or a longer separation than past summers, camp represents something meaningful: independence, growth, uncertainty, and change.
In other words, the exact kind of situations that tend to make people nervous!
But despite our title, nerves are not actually an opponent here. They are a healthy, normal part of gearing up to do something new. A child feeling butterflies around camp does not mean that they are not ready for the experience or that there is something here to fix. It just means that they are getting ready to take on a challenge.
The same goes for parents. Sending a kid off to camp takes a certain level of courage from the grown-ups as well. It’s natural to wonder and worry how they’ll do—whether they’ll remember their sunscreen, brush their teeth, or if they’ll eat any vegetables the entire week. (In our experience: yes because #counselors, sometimes, and obviously not).
So if your home is currently filled with things like:
Endless questions about camp details
Crankiness and declarations that camp sounds terrible
Foot dragging around packing
Complaints about stomachaches and headaches
Trouble sleeping
Know that it’s usually not a problem and is just a part of gearing up for some major growth.
The X’s and O’s: Confidence Comes After the Leap
One of the most common misconceptions about confidence is that it comes before doing something hard. However, research suggests the opposite. Confidence is usually built through experience. Children develop self-efficacy—the belief that they can handle challenges—by successfully navigating new situations, not by feeling completely comfortable beforehand.
This process is very similar to coping with anxiety, as we’ve written about before. Just as avoidance tends to strengthen fears, approaching manageable challenges helps kids learn that they can cope and are often more capable than they think they are.
A classic example of this is homesickness. Studies of overnight campers have found that homesickness is incredibly common—one classic study found that 83% of campers reported feeling homesick at least once during camp. But researchers have consistently found that what matters most isn’t whether a child feels nervous or misses home, but whether they learn they can cope with those feelings and stay engaged in the experience. In other words, resilience isn’t built by avoiding homesickness. It’s built by moving through it.
So think of the inevitable challenges your kid will face at camp—from problem solving to decision making to social stickiness and homesickness—as incredible opportunities to build independence and bravery muscles and to learn that they can persevere even when feeling uncomfortable or nervous.
TLDR: Kids don’t need to feel confident before camp to succeed at camp. Confidence is what often develops when they face something new, challenging, and meaningful.
The Play: The Warm Up
Accepting nerves as part of the experience though does not mean that it’s not helpful to prepare! So our play today includes a few tried and true skills to help get your kid ready for camp (and stick the landing when they’re there).
1) Set realistic expectations
Talk with your kid in advance about the realities of camp—that they will likely love some parts and find other parts tougher. Normalize the experience of mixed feelings and of homesickness. For example, “Sometimes kids miss home while they are at camp. That’s totally normal and is called being homesick. The good news is that there are things you can do to help with those feelings.” You can keep this talk light—the goal is not to scare them, but just to make room for the many emotions that might arise at camp.
2) Practice some coping skills
It can be helpful to proactively practice some skills for handling sadness or homesickness while away. Belly breathing, hugging a favorite stuffed animal, thinking about highlights from the day, jumping into a fun activity, and talking to a friend or counselor can be helpful ideas to jot down on a card for your child to refer to in tough moments.
3) Be helpful during camp
Receiving a homesick note from your child can be gut wrenching. Just remember—a particularly upset note might not reflect how they are actually doing day to day at camp. Keep your responses upbeat and focused on your confidence in their ability to handle these challenges. If you’re feeling worried, vent to other adults, rather than expressing your worries to your child. That might sound like common sense, but it can feel surprisingly hard in the moment when you’re feeling anxious!
4) Lean on the adults at camp
Finally, remember that while your kid’s counselors may look barely older than your kid (do they look younger every year or is it just us?), they are actually usually quite experienced with managing nerves and homesickness. So trust this great resource! Stepping back and encouraging your kid to talk to their counselors when they feel upset also gives great modeling that you trust their abilities to figure things out. And as a bonus, it helps your kid build the important life skill of learning to seek support from a variety of people.
Camp is one of those rare experiences where kids get to practice independence in a setting that is both structured and supportive. They will probably forget something, have an awkward moment, miss home at least a little, and also surprise themselves in ways they couldn’t have predicted from their bedroom at 11 pm. Good luck—you’ve both got this.
TLDR: Normalize the nerves, practice a few skills, be encouraging, trust the camp staff, and remember that growth usually feels a little uncomfortable.